Single Mode

Being single at any age can be challenging in a world that seems to place so much importance on finding the love of your life and becoming a couple. The whole world seems to be geared up to support you in this quest. There is very little support given to those who are consciously choosing to be spend time alone, learning to enjoy their own company and the creativity it sparks. There is almost a sense of failure or that there is something wrong with un partnered people which is really quite ridiculous, especially since more and more people are realizing that the partnerships they formed early in life, have failed to pass the tests of time and they themselves are now living the single life.

So you are single for whatever reason -here are ten tips for making the most of being single...
Number 1 most important thing to do is relax. Your singledom will not last a lifetime. Well it will if it is meant to but this is a very rare karma. The worst thing you can do is panic and think you have to find someone immediately or your life is over. This air of desperation is by far the most debilitating energy to bring into a new relationship with yourself or with anyone new for that matter. It makes you blind to obvious red flags and puts you in all kinds of compromising situations. So once again - take a breath, be happy to have been given this special opportunity to get to know yourself. Look at it this way - if you are uncomfortable spending time alone with you what makes you think anyone else will feel comfortable spending time with you ? This can be quite a challenge to someone that has continuously filled up their lives with someone elses only to discover they really don't know or like themselves at all. Having a relationship with yourself is exactly like having a relationship with someone else. You have to be supportive, caring, understanding, and yes you have to learn to listen and communicate with yourself and your inner guidance. Sometimes the only way to get you to listen to yourself is to force this "time alone" upon you.

Number 2 - Stay clean.Forget about coming home or staying home plastered, stoned or disconnected - not a good recipe for a successful relationship with yourself or anyone else for that matter. No sorry folks this is a sobering experience but trust me it will start to grow on you if you just give it a chance. Why not take this time alone to get the help and support you need to beat your addictions once and for all. If you can't do it for yourself - you won't do it for anyone else. You know the drill...the time is now!.

Number 3 - Give yourself a chance - being happy alone does not happen overnight especially if you are a recovering codependent ( please google it if you are new to this term) There will be times that you feel you are invisible, no one will ever love you, you are wasting your life, your life is passing you by... and a whole lot of other negative self talk. Best thing to do - take yourself for a walk or even better on a date. Learn how to cheer yourself up. The better you get at being alone, the better you will be at being in relationship. For some it is extremely difficult to cater to your own needs. Are you one of these people that will happily cook if someone is over but if it is just you - crackers and peanut butter will suffice? Make the effort to cook for yourself - seriously. This is one of the most self loving things you can do for yourself. Cook yourself something new each week, each day even. You deserve it!

Number 4 - Study something new. Wow what a perfect time in your life to go to night school or study online or completely change career tracks. Figure out what you are passionate about and go for it. There is no one to hold you back but yourself. Not sure what you are passionate about - spend more time alone - it will come to you. Give yourself a chance to listen to your inner voice. This process can take time and you really have to be patient with yourself.

Number 5 - Meet new people. Not necessarily for romantic reasons just to expand your support community. If you are consciously attempting to stay out of relationship for a designated time period you will still need people to share your life with. Friendships are paramount, where would we be without our friends - truly alone... No friends? Are you friendly, do you make an effort to say hello and meet new people? Perhaps you need some help with overcoming shyness. It is always ourselves that separate ourselves from others. Take responsibility for what you are or are not attracting into your life and make the necessary changes to attract some solid friends.

Number 6- Exercise. What a great way to get to know yourself again - start with reconnecting with your body. Its the only one you have this lifetime and we often look after our cars ( which we can trade in) better than our bodies. Singledom is the perfect time to get yourself in shape and the endorphins released when you work out keep your spirits flying high. Why not pick up an old team sport you used to play in high school - great way to socialize and stay in shape.

Number 7 - Rediscover your creativity. It's in there - I promise you. We all have the ability to create magnificence. You may have temporarily forgotten what you came here to create but if you spend enough time alone you will rediscover your creative self. What a perfect opportunity to play when no one is watching! So get out those pencils, paints, clay, inventions, designs and let loose.

Number 8 - Focus your attention on your thoughts. In case you have missed the last ten years of evolution it is now widely accepted that yes your thoughts do create your reality. Where are you putting your attention? What is your most dominant thought? Won't be hard to figure out just take a good look at your life and your reality will be living example of what is going on in your head. Take this time alone to become extraordinarily of your thoughts. Monitor them, erase and rewrite, spend at least 30 consistent days changing negative thought patterns ( takes at least that long to form new neural pathways in the brain)

Number 9 - Be grateful for what you already have. Each night before you go to sleep, concentrate on what you are grateful for in your life. Every tiny little thing can help create the spirit of gratitude. If you are so inclined start to write a journal about everything you are grateful for and watch the list get bigger and bigger each day as you gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for. This is probably the most important lesson of all, finding happiness in contentment in what already exists in your life. The fact that you have one is a really good place to start!

Number 10 - Step out of your comfort zone. Each week plan to go somewhere new, or do something different. Don't wait till Mr or Mrs Right is in your life to follow your dreams - do it now. You have more chance of meeting your special someone if you are living your life to the fullest. Even if you don't want to meet anyone you still will have a blast following your hearts desires.
Being alone can be a positive force, turning you towards greater creativity and greater personal development. In this "space" that you call your own, you can grow to know and love yourself as a separate individual. One who is not dependent on another human being for your identity and does not fixate or keep moving around seeking pleasure, seeking comfort, and satisfaction from the energy of another being. You can learn to find contentment in and with yourself -- just be there alone, calm, cool and collected with the person you love. You!

To Avoid Bad Habits if You're Single 

While some of us associate single life with loneliness, a ticking biological clock, and social pressure, it's possible to live a healthy life while single.
But you must avoid bad "single life habits." They are all too easy to perform and repeat, and sometimes you don't even know you're doing it until you stop and think about it.
These habits can bring on depression and loneliness, and they can also prevent you from meeting someone.
Here are some behaviors to avoid when single:
 Letting Other Balls Drop
Ok, so your dating life isn't going the way you want it to. Make sure you don't let other parts of your life slide. They say "when it rains, it pours," but you can avoid that.
When you're single, you have an opportunity to work on your career, and on yourself. After that, the dating stuff usually falls in to place. Remember not to let other parts of your life trend downward just because your dating life is at a low.
Yesterday at the end of work, I had a craving for NYC's City Bakery chocolate chip cookies (a glorious gooey mess of chocolate chips and dough that seem barely cooked). I promised myself I'd go to the gym after the cookie, but I didn't. Totally let that ball drop.

Hibernating
The easiest way to get out of a single funk is to get out and meet people. But it's so easy to hole up in your place and stay cozy. Many weekends I'm confronted with the choice: go out and hang out with friends until 3AM, or veg out on my couch in my PJ bottoms, cook stir fry or soup, and watch bad movies or good horror flicks. It's hard to choose.
Commiserating with Your Bitter Single Friends
If you're constantly hanging out with bitter single friends and complaining, you may put yourself in a rut that's tough to get out of -- negative thinking keeps you down. So limit those Sex and The City angry brunch/lunches with the girls.
Being Third Wheel with Annoying Couples
I've got mixed feelings about being third wheel. Sometimes I'm motivated to date when I'm around certain couples. But some couples are so annoying, I tell myself I'll never date again after hanging out with them.

Assuming Everyone Sucks
Well, everyone doesn't suck, but it's easy to convince yourself this is true after enough bad experiences.
Looking Down
Being alone is scary, but if you keep yourself busy, you might not feel so isolated and alone. If you stop and analyze the situation (look down), lonely anxiety might set in.
Looking Back
Looking back at old relationships and happier times should be saved for when you're ready to do so. If you're not over it, you'll dredge up sad feelings upon looking back.
Convincing Yourself You'll Be Single Forever
Sadly, I'm assuming I'll be single forever. Because I've accepted that fate, it's tough to get out of it and envision myself in a relationship.
Settling for an Easy Cure for Your Loneliness
"Easy" cures for loneliness are often unhealthy: staying with a bad boyfriend/girlfriend, having a one-night stand. Loneliness can't last forever, and it's part of everyone's life. Try to find healthy ways to deal with it.
Celebrating Singleness Too Much
It's OK to embrace the "single and proud of it" position, but if you get too rebellious about your singleness, you might end up swearing off dating completely. So fly your anti-dating flag at half mast.
Viewing The Wrong Art at the Wrong Time
Certain songs make me feel lonely. Then there's the dreaded romantic comedy. Depending on your mood, romantic comedies are uplifting, or they bring you down...like the time I cried at the end of Sleepless in Seattle wondering why that can't happen to me.
Getting Your Hopes Up When You Finally Meet Someone
Once you finally connect with someone, it's easy to see that person as a savior, so you get high hopes as things progress. Unfortunately, relationships are rare, and things often fizzle, or go awry.  If you get your hopes too high, you'll fall harder when it doesn't work out, or you'll settle too quickly.
Comparing
When I watch DiscoveryID, even serial killers and bad guys on Who the Bleep Did I Marry? have girlfriends. If they can get girls, how bad does that make me? This is just discouraging. And of course, I sometimes envy better looking guys, which brings me down.
Do you agree with my "bad single habits," and what bad single habits are you guilty of that you'd add to the list?

 Stop Worrying!

 

Believe it or not, your single years will be some of the most beautiful and wonderful times of your life! Being single is an important part of the journey of life, and an especially important part of the journey toward marriage. Like all of God’s gifts, this time is meant to be enjoyed and used wisely. However, it’s easy to forget how wonderful it can be to be single. Think about each one of these five reminders the next time you start worrying about being without a mate!

Read more at http://lifemodetips.blogspot.com/ How-to-Stop-Worrying-About-Being-Single.

 For some, living single is a clear life choice, but for many it is a stop along the way where we may not want to lay our bags down. Love comes and leaves early for some and late for others, but moments alone can be full of wonderment whether you are single or married. Here are a few tips towards living more happily, finding love within yourself or with others and simply learning to enjoy life’s journey.

Life, regardless of relationship status, should be fulfilling and wonderful. Even if you long for a serious relationship, there is no reason you can’t enjoy this phase in your life. Take time to evaluate your attitude, draw upon your strengths and discover ways to be happy with life as a single. Be positive! True happiness comes from loving yourself first and foremost. This is true whether you’d like to be in a relationship or not. Reflect on your strengths and achievements and all the things that make you great. Be grateful for the support systems you have, including friends and family. Granted, there are days where it’s not always easy, but try keeping a journal and notating what’s on your mind and try to jot down at least one positive aspect of your life each day.
Make connections! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself. Meet new friends and make sure you stay connected with old friends. Join meet up groups or venture out and meet new people via online dating.
Take time for yourself. Reserve time for doing positive and healthy things that make you feel good – whether it be pampering yourself with a massage or playing a round of golf. Giving yourself this time is a powerful way to affirm that you are special.
Try something new. Since you’re single, now is the perfect time to put all that you’ve wished to do into motion. Join a travel group for singles and explore new places. Try a dance class or join a team and let the exercise transform your energy. Learn to enjoy eating out alone. Start with your local coffee shop or café and promise yourself you'll sit there for at least 5 minutes before you leave. Try sitting at the counter and striking up conversations with strangers. Join an exercise program or a gym and get to know others who care about how they look and feel.
Help others. There may be nothing more rewarding that making a positive contribution in someone else’s life. Think about people in your life that could use a hand with a home project or even advice on how to work through an issue. Extend your generosity to strangers by donating to a charity, participating in a race to benefit cancer research, or volunteering your time at a local animal shelter. Opening your heart does more than nice things for others – it clears the way for you to receive even more good in your own life.
Ask for help. Long-time successful singles know that it can be hard to ask for help at times. We all want to be strong and independent; however, everybody needs help from time to time. Why should you – who are handling your day-to-day routine alone – need less help than others? Practice with small things first. You'll get better with time. And you'll find that the supportive people in your life are glad to help.
Once you have determined how your attitude can change for the better, you can devote your time to making your life truly fulfilling. Get active and stay busy with new activities or the ones that are long-time favorites. Surround yourself with positive people that provide you with good support and look for opportunities to meet new people. Life is too short to dwell on any perceived negatives. You have the power to be a successful single!
  
1. Don’t go to the liquor store for milk. You will not get milk where it is not sold. So to avoid disappointment, don’t expect responses from people that they may not be emotionally, psychologically or mentally equipped to give you.

2. If there is clutter, clean it out. For a positive attitude you need to eliminate the negative habits, people and influences from your life.

3. Pretty people can be lonely too. Don’t make assumptions about who people are, what they want or how they live their lives.

4. Remember that love does not discriminate. So be gentle with yourself and less critical of your beauty, brains and body.

5. Love knocks, but not when you’re sitting at home. New opportunities and people cannot find you if you are tucked away indoors on your couch.

6. Handbags do not just come in designer labels. From backpacks to Birkins, we all carry around lots of “stuff.” Since you can never tell what’s inside each person’s tote from day-to-day, try to take things less personally.

7. If it’s too tough, chances are it’s not healthy. Relationships should complete, not deplete you.

8. Taking is one of life’s greatest achievements. There is no shame in accepting help or admitting you need it.

9. Fight fears by facing them. There is something simply delicious about finding out what frightens you the most, and then conquering it on your own.

10. “No” may mean “yes” in sales but not when it comes to your love life. If it is too hard, it is not right.

11. Status is a symbol, happiness a state of being. There are plenty of miserable married people.

11. Letting go can be liberating. Always trust your gut–it will let you know if and when you are holding on to false hope.

12. It only takes one. One home cooked meal can nurture the soul, one new friend can change your life, one long bike ride can improve your mood.

Things Every Single Gal Must Experience 

The other day my girlfriend called up to regale me with yet another of her single and fabulous stories. This one involved cocktails, a hot tub and a couple of sexy strangers. It reminded me of my own single days, and for that matter my own pair of sexy strangers. After we hung up, I got to thinking about the experiences that defined my time as a single gal.

From going out dancing ‘til the wee hours of the morning to the possibility of meeting Mr. Right at any given moment and even the occasional—and unavoidable—bad date. Without those amazing and eclectic experiences, I might have felt like I was missing out now that I'm happily hooked up. So, from one formerly single and fabulous gal to all my single and fabulous friends, here, as I see it, are the top 10 experiences every savvy single should consider:

1. Date. A lot.
You know that story about the fabulous single girl who never dated until she met the man of her dreams and then lived happily ever after? Neither do I. The truth is, dating is a numbers game and you gotta be in it to win it. So get your flirt on and get out there! From online dating to singles events to making conversation with random cuties in the grocery store, latte line, or just walking down the street, it's up to you to put yourself out there and see what happens.

2. Live alone.
While shacking up for the first time with a boyfriend is exciting and having roommates can be fun, there's no opportunity to really get to know yourself quite like living alone. Plus, you can strut your stuff naked while listening to Madonna without anyone judging you.

3. Pursue a passion.
Got skydiving on the brain? Are you secretly harboring a desire to write the Great American novel? Or maybe you've always wanted to paint a Parisian sunset. Regardless of what that deep-seated passion is, give yourself permission to pursue it while you're footloose and fancy-free.

Why You Should Stay Single   

Everything from books to bras seem to be designed to help women cure that dreaded disease, "the singles." The only problem with this is the basic assumption that being single is a sickness.

According to the US Census, the average marrying age of women is 25 and rising. The truth is, women everywhere are bucking tradition and enjoying their single-life, focusing on careers and freedom instead of the timeworn hunt for a hubby. So, how does a women stay single in a "happily-wedded ever after" kind of world? I am so glad you asked. 

How to stay single tip #1 Wear a bra.

Think about it, how often do you dress for success with the opposite sex and how often do you dress for yourself? Are you really wearing a mini skirt to the baseball game because you just love sitting in bleachers while your skirt rides up your thighs, or is it because you want to be a member of the “home run” club? Stop dressing for other people and dress for yourself: Comfortable is the new black. 
How to stay single tip #2 Eat!
Recently, I visited a friend in Texas who took me out to get some good chicken fried steak. After I finished the whole meal, a middle-aged woman approached our table and informed me that good girls just don't eat like that and I should have taken my meal home in a doggie bag and finished it there. I thanked her for her advice and ordered dessert.
In our society of rampant obesity and eating disorders, women no longer eat at the table, we eat under the table. Eating has become a dirty little habit we are not supposed to indulge in and yet, nutritionists tell us that it is exactly this attitude that is at the root of our problems. We should enjoy our food and if eating a giant chilidog with mustard and onions keeps you single, then bring on the relish.

Celebrate Your Single Self!

 Own your independence 

Instead of dreading the office holiday party, your married-with-children friends’ celebratory soiree or spending yet another holiday season with the family (and no boyfriend), why not embrace your independence? Chances are that being single is temporary so celebrate every moment of it! You're not tied down with kids. You don't have a husband or boyfriend to consider. Yet, instead of spending any of your fabulous single gal time envying your coupled up friends, why not make the happily hooked envy you? Stay out a little later than usual. Flirt a little more. Or better yet, go on that singles ski weekend and make it your mission to meet as many eligible hotties as possible. From the chair lift to the ski slopes to the ski lodge, the possibilities are endless.

Learn to work a room.
You bought the fabulous dress. And the shoes and purse to match. But to really celebrate being single during the holidays, you owe it to yourself to learn how to work a room. Make your solo entrance into any gathering with confidence. Sashay across the room trusting that all eyes are on you. (Even if they're not, work it like they are!) Make eye contact with cute strangers. If they smile at you, strike up a conversation. If there happens to be mistletoe, even better! Remember, it doesn't matter if you meet the man of your dreams or a handful of Mr. Wrongs this holiday season. What's important is to own your independence and work being single.