It’s very important that you actually enjoy spending significant amounts of time with the woman you’re about to commit the rest of your life to. Do you really, really love her? Do you care about the details of her life? Does she preoccupy your thoughts? Do you love this woman at her worst?
2. Are you ready to be responsible for a wife and family?
For a man marriage isn’t about getting his needs met. It’s about taking on responsibility, being a giver, and being a provider. If you’re not ready to be fully responsible, you’re not ready to get married.
3. What are our values (family, religion, politics), and do they mesh?
Talking about your values and roles in things such as household responsibilities, finances, parenting, social activities, family, intimacy, sex and several other important topics can make a world of a difference in the future of your marriage.
4. Do you trust this woman completely?
A solid marriage is built on solid trust. Can you trust that she will provide a safe home for your feelings and needs? Can you be sure you can let your guard down and be vulnerable with her? Are you afraid she will abandon, reject, or shame you? If you don’t trust her with your feelings, think twice about getting married.
5. Do you really know her?
Aside from knowing the basics about the woman that you are marrying, you do also need to be able to discuss the effects of her upbringing, her views on relationships and marriage and the most important aspects of her relationship history.
6. Have we discussed whether or not we want children?
Assuming that you both want to be parents someday, sit down with your fiancé and have a true heart-to-heart. Discuss topics pertaining to whether or not your children will be raised under one religion, how the two of you expect to discipline them, your expectations about taking them on vacations, etc..
7. Does she want to keep her last name or change it?
While there are many married woman going the name-changing route, not every woman is keen on giving up a name that reflects her personal and professional identity, heritage and family history. There’s no “right” answer, you just need to know what feels right to her and what’s important to you.
8. Can you imagine being with her for the next 30+ years?
When all is said and done, when looks and passion fade, do you see yourself able to be with this same woman having spirited conversations sitting on the porch when the two of you are old and gray? If you can’t see yourself with this woman in a few months, let alone a few years, you’re not ready for marriage.
9. How will you manage your finances?
Some couples like to combine all their finances; others prefer to have a joint account for the household expenses, and separate accounts for personal spending.You need to discuss what individual assets and debts both of you bring to the marriage. You should also be on the same page about financial goals and issues such as who will pay the bills, how will you save, how much money can you spend on a purchase before you should consult one another, etc…
10. Under what circumstances would you consider divorce?
Infidelity? Dishonesty? Abuse? Again, there’s no “right” answer here, but it helps to reduce any uncertainty if you hear before you get married the level of commitment you are both bringing to the table.
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